Tell me again that there is no confusion, and that there in no fixation, as your words lead me to a different conclusion. The description of your "experience" and the aftermath does not conform to your assertions. You also confuse feelings with knowledge. Your transitory feelings will betray you and leave you in despair without answers, whereas genuine knowledge will inform and equip you for decisions and action.

grasp v. grasped, grasp·ing, grasps. 3. To take hold of intellectually; comprehend. (The American Heritage Dictionary)

1 Corinthians 14:11
If then I do not grasp the meaning of what someone is saying, I am a foreigner to the speaker, and he is a foreigner to me. NIV

Eph 3:14-21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
NIV